i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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