is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
