I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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