My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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