dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize