You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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