smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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