i wish starbucks made bloody marys
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
