Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
