I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
