wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
