I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
