ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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