There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
