An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
