apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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