2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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