I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The best revenge is premature balding
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
