had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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