I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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