I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
