Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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