He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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