No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize