They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
