I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
