Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
