i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
