My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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