"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
