cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
