My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
