i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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