i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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