he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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