yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
