kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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