Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
