lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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