Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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