I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
