u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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