Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You ruined the universe
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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