Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
