worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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