so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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