I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
