you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
