I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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