I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
