I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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