Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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