My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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