watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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