once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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