we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
