you win again, gameday.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
