I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
