Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
