just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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