dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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