at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
