so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
