I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
