I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
