i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i think i have two assholes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
