I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
