Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
