I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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