no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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