fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
