so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
