I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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