is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
