don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
