dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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