This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
